Deadweights & “Mean Girls”, Office-Style

In all my professional life, I have never understood why in the name of Gainful Employment and Successful Business Practices certain people are allowed to earn endless pats on the back, much less awards for longevity and service. Honestly, do people this scatterbrained, spelling & grammar challenged, rude, lazy and sloppy really deserve a paycheck??  In a nation of at-will companies, why are hard-earned dollars doled out to folks who make a literal mockery of career and professionalism when there are serious folks (like me, ahem!) eager to be your next Employee-of-the-Month??

This is first on my list in a series of examinations that will illustrate the many classes of employee-handbook offenders that populate the modern workplace. Managers take heed, as surely all have silently walked among you, unraveling the morale of your most valuable players and making you scratch your head in blissfully ignorant wonderment as to why you have such a high turnover.

THE BUNNY-BOILING SEDITIONIST

Usually high-ranking or has just enough pull to make things “happen”.  Wants your office. Wants your position filled by her skanky, unskilled sister.  Consistently gets a pass on random acts of disturbing misbehavior i.e. cursing out the Communications Coordinator for accomplishing a shared task in advance thereby wasting her precious time, openly threatening to “SLAP” the secretary for asserting her physical limitations in height (maybe she’s 5′ tall) after being requested by BBS to assist with hanging the Christmas decorations FROM THE CEILING or even for hacking the payroll program so she can snoop for ammunition to use in her tirades against Management.  Shocking, isn’t it?

This person waits until you go out on maternity leave to amplify your flaws to the A.E.D.; maybe throws in a few conjured offenses for good measure, until even your boss of over a decade is questioning your skills and especially your reputation.  Plans to overthrow the EVP using a self-promotional strategy which includes manipulating office-drama and then “handling” the situation to appear more confidently managerial.  Secretly throws coworkers under the bus just so she can take their mentally destroyed facades under her “wing” since she is a self-proclaimed “Mother Hen”.  Chicken Hawk or vulture-feasting-on-the-detritus-that-was-your-career is more like it…

This person will drive you to the Burn Book!

This person will drive you to the Burn Book!

This might ultimately include some desperate, porch-sitter style gossip drops to blacken the boss’s reputation to his superiors.  In extremely deranged cases, this can also include ratting him out to his wife, but I ain’t one to gossip so you didn’t hear that from me!

This person might wind up quitting in the long run, as many times they are found out in the end and basically just stonewalled by management.

Last heard storming out of the Exit Interview: I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

Advertisements

About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

2 responses to “Deadweights & “Mean Girls”, Office-Style

Use your words...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

%d bloggers like this: