5 Ways the Swedish Chef Keeps Me Sane

the chefThese days at work, I find myself thinking of that new Highlander Muppet-commercial to keep myself from putting a pen through Jar Jar Bitch‘s eye.  It is entirely impossible for me NOT to laugh myself to pieces, which will quell any homicidal desires I might be harboring.

Face it, the dude can make 2 pumpkin pies! With a bazooka! Also, the pumpkins he’s using are imported all the way from my hometown of Brooklyn, NY which is superb! If you don’t laugh just a little at the following YouTube clip then you are probably dead inside and I’m sad for you…

Moving on, here are 5 whole reasons that the Swedish Chef is my cure for such negative emotional states as depression, frustration, sociopathic and/or homicidal tendencies and boredom. An even bigger plus is that he’s a way safer option than anti-psychotics like Clozapine or Risperdal:

1. HE’S A CHEF – A career path that would definitely make momma proud. Who cares that he blew up his kitchen and probably suffers from multiple traumatic brain injuries and PTSD!?  He made you 2 PUMPKIN PIES! Also, pretty safe to assume that he can do the same with apples or rhubarb…

2. HE SPEAKS CHICKEN – A chef who speaks to and knows how to handle neurotic chickens. Always a useful and chuckle-inducing skill…

3. COOLER THAN A “CUP OF JOHAN” – I’d sit mesmerized waiting for the Swedish Chef segment to come on back in the day…  It was super-special to be able to veg in front of the TV for the sole purpose of laughing hysterically at complete gibberish and nonsense-speak. No “Johan” or caffeine required…

4. BETTER MOCK-NORDIC THAN HAAGEN DAZS –  With no problematic overdosing on carbs and butterfat…

5. HIS HUGE, MAN-HANDS ARE … – I can’t even finish!!  I am ROTFL right fucking NOW just thinking about those semi-blind puppeteer hands flailing around with random chef tools… OMG!

Please enjoy the Muppets as they promo-spot this decent family vehicle:

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About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

11 responses to “5 Ways the Swedish Chef Keeps Me Sane

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Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

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