5 Ways the Swedish Chef Keeps Me Sane

the chefThese days at work, I find myself thinking of that new Highlander Muppet-commercial to keep myself from putting a pen through Jar Jar Bitch‘s eye.  It is entirely impossible for me NOT to laugh myself to pieces, which will quell any homicidal desires I might be harboring.

Face it, the dude can make 2 pumpkin pies! With a bazooka! Also, the pumpkins he’s using are imported all the way from my hometown of Brooklyn, NY which is superb! If you don’t laugh just a little at the following YouTube clip then you are probably dead inside and I’m sad for you…

Moving on, here are 5 whole reasons that the Swedish Chef is my cure for such negative emotional states as depression, frustration, sociopathic and/or homicidal tendencies and boredom. An even bigger plus is that he’s a way safer option than anti-psychotics like Clozapine or Risperdal:

1. HE’S A CHEF – A career path that would definitely make momma proud. Who cares that he blew up his kitchen and probably suffers from multiple traumatic brain injuries and PTSD!?  He made you 2 PUMPKIN PIES! Also, pretty safe to assume that he can do the same with apples or rhubarb…

2. HE SPEAKS CHICKEN – A chef who speaks to and knows how to handle neurotic chickens. Always a useful and chuckle-inducing skill…

3. COOLER THAN A “CUP OF JOHAN” – I’d sit mesmerized waiting for the Swedish Chef segment to come on back in the day…  It was super-special to be able to veg in front of the TV for the sole purpose of laughing hysterically at complete gibberish and nonsense-speak. No “Johan” or caffeine required…

4. BETTER MOCK-NORDIC THAN HAAGEN DAZS –  With no problematic overdosing on carbs and butterfat…

5. HIS HUGE, MAN-HANDS ARE … – I can’t even finish!!  I am ROTFL right fucking NOW just thinking about those semi-blind puppeteer hands flailing around with random chef tools… OMG!

Please enjoy the Muppets as they promo-spot this decent family vehicle:

About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

11 responses to “5 Ways the Swedish Chef Keeps Me Sane

Use your words...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

A child shattered, Life beyond..

Just because you don't see the struggle, doesn't mean someone isn't drowning.. Pain of the mind is worse than pain of the body.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

The Winter Bites My Bones

The Collected Poems of Dennis McHale: 1981-2016

%d bloggers like this: