Texts and Drugs and Wok ‘n Rolling…

DANGER: Bong water ahead...

DANGER: Bong water ahead…



Sometimes things don’t translate well in a text conversation. There can often be typos, awkward auto-correct fails and just your basic, human misinterpretation.  If you add to this a stay-at-home dad who’s also kind of a hop-head, hilarity and predictably a little frustration will surely ensue…


Friend from Brooklyn: I’ve been SOO wanting to eat Chinese food…

Me: What, is there a lack of Chinese in Brooklyn?

FFB: No I try to stay away from it

Me: Oh, because of the MSG?

FFB: I’m having an urge…

Me: Ok, but WHY do u try to stay away from it?

FFB: It’s not that good for you

Me: Huh? Whaddya mean?

Me: Why is it not that good for you?

FFB: LOL, wow…

FFB: I don’t mean Chinese food from China I mean ghetto Chinese food.

Me: For the 3rd time, WHY??

Me: How I the sevenhells would I get Chinese food from CHINA?? 😛

Me: Grr… how IN the sevenhells LOL (I’m still thinking this is somewhat funny.)

FFB: LOL you’re funny (Blessed validation!)

Me: OMG – plz answer the question… I have no computer bc someone on campus opened an encrypted email…

(Here, I am pitifully begging for mercy since the Malware scanner-thing has been running for OVER AN HOUR but, as things always seem to go here, will ultimately receive NONE)

FFB: We always loose each other in what we are trying to say to each other

Me: Holy cow – really? Is “why is Chinese food unhealthy” so difficult?? You’re killing me… PLEASE turn off the smoke machine 
(The painful realization that Friend from Brooklyn is too high to text)
FFB: LOL, I have it connected to my face
Me: “Exasperating & EXASPERATING!”  – says the New York Times
FFB: Whaa…?
Me: “Hours of teeth-gritting frustration!” – says Time Out New-Spork
(At this point it hits me that there will be no more replies from FFB but I cannot help myself)
Me: “Joke’s on YOU, Taste ‘o China!” – says Hades Home Infernal

The last reply text I got was completely blank (kind of like his mind during our “conversation”) which I’m assuming was some kind of vulgar graphic which did not translate from his Samsung Galaxy to my oldish LG.

– Did I ever get my answer about why my friend is wary of the mysteriously dreaded & vaguely unhealthy “ghetto Chinese food”? 


– Will my jealousy of a friend with the luxury of being Mr. Mom while simultaneously going to college and spending off-days with his bong fade enough for me to have a productive day at work?

Probably Not.

Then again, it usually doesn’t take much to make that happen… 😉spicoli toon


About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

11 responses to “Texts and Drugs and Wok ‘n Rolling…

Use your words...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

The Winter Bites My Bones

The Collected Poems of Dennis McHale: 1981-2016

%d bloggers like this: