The “Accidental” Banana

Things have been unusually quiet on the Edita front.  Like all such things, this was too good to be true and not meant to last… Kind of like money in my bank account. Or reality-show marriages…

OR – my good moods and feelings of usefulness & fulfillment at work.

By now we should all be familiar with Edita’s antics. We all know that her love of animals and incessant whining drive people absolutely MAD.

We also all know that I am prone to fits of anger and profanity when subjected to incessant, unnecessary stupidity; especially when it comes to issues of sanitation and health.

So last week she approaches me in her usual, quiet, polite, pseudo-meek way –

“I might have mentioned this before but I came in this morning and noticed there were tiny bites taken out of my banana that I left on the desk last night”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??

Really, people – I do try to maintain some composure with her. But, mice? Definitely no.  Really, just NO.

Honestly though, my response wasn’t entirely harsh –

Maybe, Edita, we shouldn’t be leaving food out for them because it’s kind of like inviting them to stick around and get FAT”

Edita   Got    MAD…

“Well, I DID say I ACCIDENTALLY left it out overnight and it’s not like they haven’t been in the kitchen cabinets since before that because those poops are not FRESH!”

OK, let’s reality-check for a spell, shall we? –

  1. No, you DIDN’T actually SAY you left it out “accidentally”. There’s a fucking fruit-bowl ON YOUR DESK, lady. They can freely help themselves to the buffet…
  2. Were you keeping them as pets in the kitchen until they crossed the line and started eating your fruit!?
  3. How long before you run to the Accounting Manager to tell on me for, what the hell did I do – sound annoyed because you’re leaving food out for the office-mice!??

So I forwarded an email to our Facilities Director suggesting that maybe, just maybe that bird-feeder of Edita’s should be a point of discussion in their next sanitation-reform brainstorming session since it creates a pest-control issue.

Maybe there’s a chance they’ll even take it down. I look forward to that memo… 😉

If we examine the result, this is not a happy office

STONE HER! Her bananas bring mice & DEATH to us all!

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About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

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