Weird Thoughts, Petty BS and Other Ass-Hattery

I have a bunch of questions.  There are WTF thoughts plaguing the remaining rational area(s) of my brain and I. NEED ANSWERS, PEOPLE!  In my humble opinion there is just way too much stupidity and a seemingly endless number of mind-boggling mysteries on a daily basis for me to stand.

First question:  IS IT a clear-cut sign of administrative incompetence if you can’t even (for the LOVE OF BOB!) figure out how to recycle an empty toner cartridge? 

Keeping in mind that this shit is CLEARLY laid out for you in a handy little pamphlet included in the BOX, my thinking is that the answer to THIS one is obvious which leads me to my next thought-provoking question…

Second (multi-part) question:   Am I just an impatient, frustrated, bitter BITCH? Are my standards of perfection in the workplace just too high (HA!)? Shouldn’t EVERYONE possess a somewhat equal level of skills, ethics and intelligence in order for us to all merit a similar salary level!??  

I’d say something along the lines of, “FUCK YES!!” but, by all means PLEASE opine away!

Third question:  Does anyone see a difference between “Your main concern should be keeping our offices organized” and “YOU are my paper-sorting BITCH!“??? 

Do you? Because I sure fucking don’t.  *EVEN BETTER – this disturbance to my calm was bestowed upon my virgin ears (this is a joke) during my annual review.  This is definitely confirmation that my job solely exists in a yet-to-be-named level of Hell. It’s like Undead-Groundhog Day or something up in this bitch.

Like this but WAYYY more burning paper flying around & screams of the damned from multiple paper-cuts searing from the addition of lemon juice to boss’s tea.

Kill me.  But after I get some answers, please…

Fourth question:  WHY, in the name of all things unholy, does the slow-ass Nissan Murano driven by the old geezer always, ALWAYS wind up in front of me no matter WHAT TIME I leave for work? Mainly a rhetorical question but still; WHAT THE FUCK!?

No big stinkin’ deal here, I’m sure – probably just a Murphy’s Law kinda thing but it’s still relentlessly annoying. 

Fifth question:  Please somebody explain to me HOW it happens that almost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! I need to enter a building or an office or a mail-room or a mother-loving RESTROOM there is a gaggle of morons standing RIGHT in front of the flipping DOOR!?  Seriously folks, WHY!!??

This one stupid thing brings me almost to the point of flipping the fuck out every time it happens, which is pretty much every day.

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Alas, this type-written rant has been mentally exhausting but I have one or two final, haunting questions. At least they are extremely irksome to me, and that’s all that really matters here, right?

FINAL QU. #1:  Abby Donovan (from Showtime’s Ray Donovan), WHY do you have nothing better to complain about in your marriage to an OBVIOUS gangster than the fact that you “feel raped!” and your “pussy hurts!”??

BITCH, PLEASE! I should have those problems… RUFKM!? He bought you a HOUSE with a TRICKED-OUT POOL!  TAKE THE PAIN!

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

OK, this one is a doozy. This trippy conundrum is a completely baffling head-scratcher so please bear with me here.  This might sound a tad crazy but here goes:

FINAL QU. #2:  WHY does a gifted, young, proud, non-English-speaking, Mexican as all-getout boxer & protegé of Oscar de la Hoya look like the love-child of Ali Campbell and Merida from Brave? Did his family kidnap an Irish baby? Is their gardener the dude from the Scott’s lawn ad campaign??  (Wait, does this make me a racist!? I’m the biggest mixed-bag-O-races I know so I could NOT POSSIBLY BE RACIST, CAN I!? FAAAAAKKK!!)

Yeah, like none of YOU have ever thought those exact thoughts…

For the record, I love boxing, am definitely NOT a racist & Alvarez is completely adorable. Did I mention I have a thing for gingers?  😉

Admit it, you’ve thought EXACTLY THIS