Dear LinkedIn Lotharios/Laureates/Casanovas –
How proud you must be to have taken the immediate opportunity to sign up on LinkedIn to create such an enviable professional profile. You added your curriculum vitae, listed all your professional experience, connected with others in your network and are now probably getting emails chock full of employment openings in your field.
This being said, it seems you know full-well what purpose LinkedIn serves. YET you decided to pursue this ill-conceived mission to use it as a DATING SITE. Some would call you clever. I call it twisted opportunism at its finest. I could ask you what in the sevenhells you’re thinking but it seems kind of obvious –
- That bitches be havin’ jobs ‘n shit! Or at least they’re looking so, WIN!
- That bitches will think you have a job and will be down for some “business time” when they read your fancy title & education (probably copied & pasted from an affluent ivy-leaguer).
- Many ladies will think it’s sweet and courageous for someone to “take a chance” on love via a professional networking & employment site.
The problem with this is – LinkedIn is NOT A DATING SITE.
“Courageous” would be trolling the comments section of your favorite blog or online guns & ammo shop or the checkout line at Target and boldly yet gently approach your “soul-mate” there –
“Hi! I noticed your love of automatic weapons. I, too, am a fan of a good M-16 and could not ignore such beauty as yours”
What proud, American, pistol-packing Mama wouldn’t swoon over that!?
“Hello. GREAT comment on the gluten-free chlorella pizza-dough recipe! I too suffer from wheat-intolerance. Yes, Norway is a long way from your home in West Oshkosh but I had to take a chance at reaching out to such organic beauty as you!”
Honestly – how many crunchy, food-sensitive yoga-nuts do you think would fall for that one? I’d venture a generous guess of 1 in 5…
Actually, bestowing flattery and outright flirtation on a stranger is pretty much creepy from any venue. Toss it out there via LinkedIn and you just might succeed in making some feel trapped – I mean, who in their right mind would potentially ruin the chance at an improved work situation by telling that Engineer/CEO from Dallas to fellate his keyboard just because he decided to take a chance at finding true love on LinkedIn??
Me, that’s who.
Why? – Because you’re wasting my fucking time; that’s why. Because I signed up on LinkedIn to take advantage of the purpose for which it was created – to see about ditching a job that is ill-suited for me – NOT to trade in my husband.
So, just because you think out of the box – actually that’s bullshit because you, my online ogler, are thinking well within and all about “the box”! – Anyway, just because you think it’s somehow an original, fantastic idea to use a job-site to meet women doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
In closing, stop trying to get a date by plagiarizing the Harlequin Romance novel your mother hides in a lingerie drawer; quit trying to steal innocent ladies’ IP addresses for your nefarious purposes, whatever they might be, and DO NOT contact me again. I only “date” CEO’s for money… and I only do it like, 6 to 20 times a year.