I’m Farmer Ted…

The other night I was pleased to catch a bit of one of my all-time favorite, geek-girl, plain-Jane movies of all times: “16 Candles“.  One of the BEST scenes is when Jake wades through the wreckage of his home, post-party melee, and discovers Farmer Ted “trapped” under a glass coffee table.  It always cracks me up, but this time the usual ha-ha & fond reminiscence kind of disintegrated…

I realized that THIS IS MY LIFE in a crushed nutshell; under the refuse-topped, soda-and-booze-encrusted, pretzel-caked ruins of what was probably an expensive, Tiffany’s Home Furnishings, beveled-glass coffee table.  It’s kind of pathetic…a little JAKEYou see, Farmer Ted’s panic-attack – though high-LARIOUSLY and expertly played – isn’t really worthy of our sympathy.  Sure, most of us can relate on some level to his sad, underdog dweebiness but, DUDE, you COULD have just rolled out from underneath the damn coffee table… AmIRIGHT!??

Ok, so we’ll have to allow him his fear of being mashed by an obvious jock in retribution for (some of) the catastrophic mess. After all F.T. does resemble those ads in the back of old comic books where slight, underfed, brittle-looking stick-dude at the beach gets sand kicked in his face in front of his gal.  We don’t see until afterwards that Farmer Ted’s fear is completely overblown because Jake is a genuinely nice guy… and kind of a babe, too, but I digress…

My life currently feels like the aforementioned coffee-table grime scene.

Technically there is a choice here – to leave a soul-wrecking, dead-end job; to go back to school; to maybe even publish an ACTUAL BOOK. But the goal-crushing potential consequences of most of these choices feels like trying to eat Jello with a straw – not 100% impossible but likely capable of inducing an asthma attack; or culminating in choking.

For example – I can’t really afford to take the Coordinator job I recently applied for (it’s almost $2 less per hour but I’m tempted…) and I really can’t afford to go back to school.  Mainly for lack of actual money and reduced credit limits (did anyone else know they can do that!?), but also for lack of a CLUE as to what courses to take.  And time – I do somehow manage to enjoy my free time despite the absence of recreation funds.

headgear geek girlBasically, I am bullied by my own FEAR – of being broke, of being a failure, of missing out on stuff by “wasting time”.  Sort of makes me want to vanish like Head-Gear over here does…

So, how do I overcome? How do I stagger onward and “go for MINE”? How do I make what would be most fulfilling – defeating this psyche-devouring beast of a job and publishing that book – actually HAPPEN?

Actually, I have not a clue.  We seriously cannot afford a pay cut, but IF I took that other job it would surely come with a good amount of overtime…. :/

Hubby says go for it, but do I leave a familiar Hell where I am Satan’s skulking, defeated expert to dive into something unknown?  The Coordinator position seems like a blissful (& FUN!) change of pace but could it just turn out to be even more exhausting and hellish!?? Probably not but anxiety sets my auto-default strategy to completely hedging my bets. AKA being a total coward…

IF the Housekeeping Director said what I THINK she said (about the hourly pay), then I would make the jump and ROCK THE SOCKS OFF of that Coordinator job!

But for now it’s back to Farmer Ted… *panicked look* *bangs on glass*


Decisions SUCK!

Seriously, though – I don’t need a six-figure salary or a mansion or a luxury car or cotillion clothing – just a small measure of fulfillment and the means to further enjoy my life.  So give me the CD or DVD for this classic and press ‘play’ until I figure out where the heck I need to go from here…

Oh, and don’t forget to blow out all those damn candles! No need to start a fire up in here!  I can’t afford a new house (unless the insurance settlement really pays out!)  😉

(Did I mention I’m selling stuff from my closet on Tradesy?? Help me out, y’all… I could really use the money! Oh!  And check out my Zazzle shop for a small souvenir!!)

16 pyros


About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

11 responses to “I’m Farmer Ted…

  • El Guapo

    I’ve stayed where I’ve been out of fear, and I’ve jumped into the unknown. Each has its uses. Sadly, there’s no easy way to pick one over the other.
    If you are that unhappy where you are, and the lower paying job gets you closer to where you want to be, jump.


    • LVital7019

      The Director seemed interested in me but there’s the matter of confirming the pay. I contacted HR to confirm the hourly rate but haven’t heard back. In that email I offered to bring additional tasks to the table on top of what that spot comes with to make it worth giving me the higher rate. Hoped that would cinch it for me…
      Basically, if others are interested who also qualify BUT will get that position as a lateral move with a better title and/or a raise (if they’re from Environmental Svs chances are it would be a small raise) then the logical move would be to take someone who’s not gonna haggle them about the salary.
      My search continues… 😦


  • Aussa Lorens

    Ah, I can’t tell you which way to go but I hope you are able to make a decision you can be happy with. Reality is… whichever way you choose, it’s probably going to be okay. WOW THATS NOT HELPFUL AUSSA.

    I want you to publish that book though 🙂


    • LVital7019

      Hi! Actually, I did something very proactive with the email I sent to the HR Director AND the Env. Svs. Director about “clarifying the rate” & offering to add Administrative Assistant tasks to that spot to help out since they only have 1 Adm Assistant in Facilities.
      Yesterday, HR sent out the weekly open positions email and the Coord. spot is gone, completely replaced by an Adm. Assistant spot. If I can get that position, at least it would stay the same salary. I kinda wanted to move AWAY from the secretarial stuff but this spot might transition to a coordinator spot of some sort that I can move UP to.
      I think there might be some potential here… 🙂


    • LVital7019

      As for the book, I’ve been drafting some posts and saving some stuff to Word on my trusty stick-drive. I think there are 2 book ideas floating around my head. All I have to do is get stuff OUT of my head!

      Liked by 1 person

  • thetattootourist

    Ok that is too funny – I watched 16 Candles with my daughter last week for the first time in years…I think you have the brass, talent and wisdom to make the leap – you can help blaze the trail for the rest of us. Especially if you are lucky to have a partner that has your back. Go girl go!


    • LVital7019

      LOL if they offer me that job, which is now my same title based on a proposal I made (see previous comments. It’s a good thing because I’d keep my current salary instead of taking a cut), I’m jumping! PS – You get the big hug I’m saving for you if we ever meet! 🙂


  • Michelle

    I think a lot of us feel this way. I know I’m staying in my job that I HATE because I”m afraid of trading it for something worse.

    I WANT to tell you to GO FOR IT…make yourself happy…take the chance..but it would feel fake because I’m definitely not taking my own advice. I guess I’m Farmer Ted, too.

    Better than being Long Duck Dong.


    • LVital7019

      Haha! Thanks… But think about it – Long Duck Dong had that whole “ignorance is bliss” thing going for him. Well, until Jake clocked him for feeling him up… Wait – do I have that right? Damn, my memory is for shit! So glad you stopped by! 😀


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A child shattered, Life beyond..

Just because you don't see the struggle, doesn't mean someone isn't drowning.. Pain of the mind is worse than pain of the body.

Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

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