I Love to Hate…

…working here. I love to HATE working here. Apparently.

That job, for which my hopes were smiling and raised like a 16 y-o geek girl in headgear with a crush on the elusive hot, nice-guy jock, went to the lovely lady who inspired this post.

When I heard the Housekeeping Director’s message late this morning,  my heart just broke.  My “crush” just wants to be friends.  My “crush” went back with an “old flame”.  Shockingly, it turns out Nina had been lurking in the background all along.  Their allegiance had been a guarded secret up until I played that message.

I feel beyond DONE.  Kind of like this.

And FuckItAll tired.  Tired of convincing myself that “it wasn’t meant to be”, or that “something better will come along”.  That job was a perfect change for me.  It had potential to create me anew; to bring a spring back into my work-ethic. To fill my 8-10 hour days with “clock in + busy-busy-busy = CU2Morrow!” Sorry, Charlie… daily doldrums, misery and snarky blog-posts it shall remain.

Sadly, I am now familiarized with the sentiment behind the phrase that sneaky fucker used when he fired me in 2007 for NOT performing like an AP Agent the county couldn’t afford when they actually hired me to be an A.A. with “some” AP duties – “I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel”.

I just CAN’T.  See.  The light…

No, literally – I can’t fucking SEE through the stupid film of tears that keeps threatening to break free and flood my face with the next blink.  One jerky gaze to my right and they will see an unexpectedly crazy, tear-streaked side of me.  And then they’d possibly send me home; or for a short walk over to the Administrative Manager who might attempt to console me with an endless forty-five minutes of friendly, narcissistic double-speak.

Please pardon me while I drown my sorrows in spicy salmon sushi in brown rice and dive to the bottom of a full-to-the-brim tub of PeachWave yogurt swimming in peanut-butter sauce with teeny, tiny chocolate chips.  THAT place is the pseudo-healthy, overindulgent heaven my broken Administrative Assistant’s heart needs right about now…

*******************

It seemed like fate that I caught this song on Sirius XM U on my quiet drive back from crying up & down every aisle at Hananaford’s (2 towns over) for lunch.  Although I do not claim to be the descendent of any former slaves, Nina Simone’s beautiful, heart-wrenching lyrics really pegged me today –

I AM strong enough to take it.  I will endure…

At least this place gives me what to write about…  :/

Click the “play” button. You WON’T regret it…

Advertisements

About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

9 responses to “I Love to Hate…

  • barbaramullenix

    I’m so sorry for this huge disappointment! Years ago (over 25) I was going to be promoted from a secretary II position to a Secretary III one. Turns out even though I was doing the work (and then some ) the powers that be said that I shouldn’t be doing those jobs since it isn’t in my “job description”. So instead of getting a long over due promotion, I had the “joy” of telling all the professors that I was no longer going to be able to do the jobs that I had previously done. They were all pissed at ME. I did eventually get the last laugh, as my Father started a new company and paid me twice my previous salary.

    I hope things get better for you real soon, as you don’t need the additional grief!

    Like

    • LVital7019

      Ugh. That sucks big time! I’m glad you had the last laugh, though. Triumph over BS would be awesome! What’s weird is I don’t even hold it against that Director. Maybe she’s clueless as to how dumb that woman is… Time will tell, I guess. 🙂

      Like

  • barbaramullenix

    What’s the phrase? Revenge is a course best served cold. Keep rubbing your hands together – maybe a “spell” will occur!

    Like

  • REDdog

    Faaark! I’m starting to hate your job too!!

    Love Nina Simone…

    …and your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Michelle

    Oh…I am so sorry..disappointment sucks. Love the song, though..I wasn’t familiar with it, so thanks for that!

    Liked by 1 person

  • LVital7019

    Thanks. The 2 people I told both assumed that the elimination of the 1st opening and the creation of the 2nd was initiated by my suggestion to that same director. Which may be true, but I guess there were other things at play… Oh, well; BACK to the drawing board!

    She intrigues me and I was pleasantly surprised to hear that track. Happy to make you smile!

    Like

  • Aussa Lorens

    UGH. I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope something better works out and that you somehow find a way to kick ass at the end of all this. Bonus: This song is wonderful and you’ve introduced me to a fantastic artist.

    Liked by 1 person

Use your words...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

The Winter Bites My Bones

The Collected Poems of Dennis McHale: 1981-2016

%d bloggers like this: