When Mom came down to us for Labor Day weekend her focus was killing two birds with one stone. The plan was – pay us a (very fucking brief) visit while using our house as a safe-spot so that her two-month, long-distance, online boyfriend could pick her up. Pretty much immediately after arriving.
You’ll be surprised to know my annoyance wasn’t just about the lack of priority she placed on spending time with us. It wasn’t 100% my being a selfish, embittered child clinging to past resentment. Putting
all sluttiness most judgements aside, here’s what went down…
Mom arrived at our house around noon on Saturday leaving her a bit of time to hang with us and wait for her MTTOTM (MyTime Textravaganza of the Moment) to pick her up at 2PM.
Within an hour of her arrival, it morphed from fun date-weekend into what felt to me like a decaying freak-show of Neur-ROT-O-Drama.
Red Flag #1: He’s tired and will be a little late so he can take a cat nap. This is after he spent the entire morning texting & calling Mom to confirm she was indeed actually coming.
Red Flag #2: The “work emergency”. Yeah, ok. Not to say this couldn’t be entirely true, but WHY in the sevenhells would you neglect to let your date in on the possibility of being called away at a moment’s notice because you’re SOOOoo important!?
Ultimately it slid the slippery slope into dating detritus that I had no desire to witness. Mom disappeared upstairs with her cell for over half an hour (unofficial Red Flag #3).
His half-assed offer (tape up the windows, folks – hurricane RedFlaggius is headed our way!) – “You can drive yourself over but I probably won’t have time for you today” earned him The Second Chance. He promised to pick Mom up at 9:00 Sunday morning.
Wow… 2 months of emails and cellphone chats makes for such magical allure…
I can’t even… I just can’t. Can you cause permanent brain-damage from face-palming for an entire weekend? I should Google that…
Mom was disappointed and annoyed but we made the best of Saturday night. We took her to dinner at a Spanish place I knew she’d love, we watched some retro George Carlin comedy on Netflix and Mom was asleep in the guest room by 10ish. These are fun times with Mom… Fun times.
When MT didn’t spontaneously appear at my door at exactly 9 in the morning, she started getting all “Oh he just BETTER FUCKING SHOW or bla bla fucking NEVER fucking BLA!”
What happened to dating being fun? Since when has neurosis and mild social ineptitude come before chivalry?? WHERE have all the flippin’ cowboys gone!!?
“Look, Ma – if he’s not here by 9:45 you & I will go to Dunkin Donuts for coffee, I’ll make breakfast and we’ll plan our day.”
He showed shortly thereafter. So they left and I didn’t hear from Mom until Monday morning…
MomTXT: Hi! It’s mom and we’re at Dunkin Donuts about 10 minutes from you. I need you to finger-stick him for me when we get to your place. His breath smells like acetone
Wait – wha..? What the heck…? Why!? (It’s really too early for this…)
As the story goes, they went out to eat on Sunday evening and MT revealed (after downing 2 stiff drinks) that he forgets to eat because he’s LAZY. Needless to say he got a tad light-headed at dinner. Oh, and he also forgets to take his blood pressure pills. Come Monday morning he’s shaky-handed and woozy with breath smelling like nail-polish remover. Mom is convinced he’s about to slip into a diabetic coma. She’s an RN but also prone to neurotically over-diagnose “familiars”…
*Also, I’m not buying into the “lazy” thing. “Lazy” doesn’t mean you don’t bother to eat – lazy means making yourself a flipping waffle or butt-dialing Domino’s & placing an order.
MomTXT: His blood sugar is probably very high. He may need to see a doctor!
Ok. It’s not like I would outright refuse to assist in times of need, but WHAT the FUCK!? So your dream-boat flaked on Saturday, gets sick at dinner because he starves himself (for days, we learned) and now, on the only remaining day of the holiday weekend you want me to: a) sacrifice my diabetic supplies (those suckers are expensive & limited by my health insurance); b) watch you play nursemaid/Mommy to a GROWN-ASS MAN; and c) possibly spend my ONE day off from work driving Grown-Ass Man who should KNOW how to EAT to a doctor and/or the ER?
Shouldn’t Mom be sensing the Red Flags blowing around with the gale-force winds-of-WTF & slapping her in the face? Why would she want to enter into another situation where she will be disappointed, aggravated and left doing all the caring? Didn’t she JUST get divorced for that exact reason!?
Mom did the finger-stick and it turned out he wasn’t a raging diabetic. What he WAS – mad dehydrated and probably malnourished so I gave him a huge glass of ice water & made him some eggs and a waffle; which he scarcely ate.
Quite the relief to find he wasn’t headed into a coma, but I’d file that entire weekend under “NEXT!!”. Apparently, that’s just me. Even though mom fell into a level of neurosis that has been blessedly absent since she moved out of her house and got her own apartment, she will probably cling to this guy just like she did with her ex-husband.
Why? Because she hates being alone more than she appreciates being a self-sufficient, independent woman who knows that she deserves better. Oh and because he wrote her a flipping sonnet or something. I’m sure this is exactly what someone with a heart condition needs…
Mom has been unusually quiet with me since leaving us that Monday. Maybe things didn’t work out with MT. Or it could be that she’s still “seeing” him and doesn’t want to hear any grief. All I know is that I will not watch my mother go down that rabbit hole again. I’ve been doing that since 1983 and it’s sad that she can’t seem to get a handle on improving her standards.
Do you think some women just never learn? Are some women just not equipped to find fulfillment alone? Am I overreacting? Be honest – I can take it… 🙂