January 2015 was the month from hell. My funny Director went out on maternity leave. Right before she left, the A.E.D. called me in for a discussion about the mess on my desk (that cursed paper quicksand!), that I seem unhappy and, ironically, the fact that he was told I applied to other departments even though he assured me in the same breath to feel free to apply to other departments since maybe I’m unhappy. He repeated the “So-and-so told me you applied to other departments” statement 3 times during our conversation. It would appear this was an issue for him.
Ms. Director promised me before I went in to this closed-door TRAP that this was “no big deal; it’ll be fine” and that she’d be in to join us “in a sec”. Must’ve been a really long, important “sec” she needed to chitchat with her buddy from downstairs because she never joined us. But things get better, I promise…
It was also disclosed during this meeting that Jar-Jar Bitch got a bug up her ass and threw me under the bus (or the cow, as it were in this organization) for such idiotic things like a supply order that got delayed by the recent SNOWMAGEDDON in the Northeast and my daily deposit log being behind. Ok, so technically it was 2 months behind but I caught that sucker up in less than 2 weeks.
Is it just me or is that accomplishment kind of under-impressive… …?
I also lost a cousin within the last week or so which kind of trumped my will to give even the most microscopic of shits about work. Nothing like losing a way-too-young relative to put priorities in perspective. That priority being to find an 8-4 that is fulfilling which puts me in a better state of mind and allows me to spend quality time with my whole family.
That being said the quantity of shit I currently give about this place could probably fit between any 2 letters in this post, the space between staples in an unadulterated strip from the box, the area in my brain allotted for American football (sorry, guys); but probably most comfortably between the letters “i” and “t”.
At each and every Administrative Assistant’s meeting we attend we are encouraged to apply for ANY JOB that gets posted on the internal boards. It was thrown in my face several times during that sit-down with the A.E.D. thanks – primarily – to my Director. Yeah, thanks SO MUCH for filling him in and for making it your mission to ingratiate yourself to our boss by throwing me under the cow/bus right before you ducked and ran off to take care of the baby for the next 4 months.
*Hey – I am not giving a fellow mom shit for going into labor at an inopportune time; this was planned FMLA-leave to bring the little guy home from the NICU.
Good luck, little one – mom’s kind of a shameless, two-faced, porch-sitting Benita. She ain’t never one to gossip so you didn’t hear it from her. Right. I’ll be SO sure NOT to tell anyone the secrets she made me promise not to tell anyone…
So all is not sitting well with me right now. I am making this half-assed effort to do better at work since I show up every day feeling like I never, ever fit in here. Really, though – it’s not like I don’t keep this agency in compliance by compiling, submitting and renewing every stupid, annual, paper filing, contractual agreement, vehicle registration, COI request and online grants updates accurately and ON TIME!
So I’m all the way back here these days:
There are one or two things going for me right now. I typed up a list I like to call “Imagine How it Would Feel to Work Somewhere for 6 Years Where You…” that details everything I’ve struggled with since being hired here. It’s got ALL the Jar-Jar Bitch chronicles laid out in logical, concise, bullet-point form. It fits on 1 page PLUS it’s got key information given to me by Ms. Director that I’m *not supposed to know*. I’m scheduling a meeting with my Administrative Manager to discuss this list and to see if there is any possibility of transferring to the open position in another department if it’s still available. I am probably (literally) killing 2 birds with one stone there… Better yet – it won’t look like I threw anyone under the cow/bus-stampede.
I am also applying to ANYTHING that strikes my fancy on several career websites and our local Pennysaver. Anything; no holds barred.
Honestly, though, I have some misgivings about requesting that meeting. My Administrative Manager is pretty tight with my boss, the A.E.D., so I’m not 100% sure that this won’t arm her with the rest of the nails for my professional reputation’s pine-box coffin. Wouldn’t she think I’m making excuses for why my work of late is of the bare-minimum effort? Wouldn’t she interpret my list as the reasons why I hate working in this department and then tell my boss that I’m a hopeless case?
I really feel like a hopeless case here…
The ONE strong connection she and I share (besides the mutual respect and affection) is our combined hatred of everything that is the raging Jar-Jar BITCH that I’ve had the displeasure of having in charge of delegating to me for the past 5+ years. And NOW, J.J.B.’s watching me so she can compile her list of complaints against me. All that bitch has ever wanted since the year after I started was to get me OUT so she can bring her dopey sister-in-law IN.
Jar Jar Bitch may just get her wish. We’ll see…
NEXT TIME: Why I sometimes feel guilty being here; how the meeting went and who my allies really are here.