Winter Storm Thor, you KNOW what you can do with your “meow-meow”…!

So Tuesday night going home from work THIS happened:

Ok, so it's not horrible; but STILL!

Ok, so it’s not horrible; but STILL!

On the left side of the pic you see the bumper is cracked and my license plate is all crinkled up and paint scraped off from metal hitting metal. Which, technically, you can’t actually see very well because F*CK YOU, LinkedIn stalkers!

I fishtailed on 22 South near the “nice” motel.  Someplace between “I think I got this” and “Oh SHIT!” my car spun counterclockwise and missed hitting another car or vice versa by a single hand span.

They say you’re not really supposed to over-direct the wheel when you’re fishtailing but had I not – well, my mind can only picture the inevitable soul-crushing outcome of twisted metal, neck-braces, lawsuits and maybe an aneurism.  Perhaps a touch of alcoholism if I happen to survive the aneurism…

My car stopped (finally) when it hit the guard rail.

EFF this.  From now on as SOON as it starts snowing…I am O-U-T aka Sayonara/Shalom/Aloha/Peace and however-the-fuck else people around this crazy, snowed-in Northeast U.S. say “Fuck it I’m leaving. Dock me or suck my dick. Your choice, really”.

Don’t you also just LOVE IT when you see a really great job ad (sorry, current job; we look just like husbands look at Screw Magazine personals when they’re in the doghouse at home. Wait, is that just MY husband???)… anyway, am I the only one that cracks up when there’s a job ad in the classifieds which specifically says, at the bottom, “Must have reliable transportation”?  There are also those that specify that one “must be ready, willing and able to get the job done”; translation – you stick it out, stay late, sleep over, bend over the desk, drive in a snowstorm of historic proportions, etc., etc., etc. to help Company X accomplish their goals/projects.

Company X, Y, Z, F, G and whomever else can just lick between my post-workout, sweaty, sock-linted toes if you think for one tiny second that I will not just walk the FUCK out the next time it starts so much as flurrying. If so much as ONE snowflake falls before I leave or even right after I get to work tomorrow then Buh-BYE, y’all!

My poor 2002 Subaru, my mental health, my heart and even my brand new shovel are all at their wit’s end with this winter. Winter 2015 has done me, my husband and our accumulated vacation-time IN this year.

Now THOR wants a piece!?  😥

Y’know, Thor, I am still kinda/sorta partial to beefy, blonde, magical Viking-types but please take your Mjölnir and your snow & ice and bash some other planet.  I mean, what happened to “the protection of mankind”?

More snow!? Really, Thor!!??  WTF!?

I’m a brunette & you like brunettes, right? I’m sure we can work something out…

Look, Thor - I'm a cute brunette! Have MERCY! NO MORE SNOOOOWWWWW!

Look, Thor – I’m a cute brunette! Have MERCY! NO MORE SNOOOOWWWWW!

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About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

13 responses to “Winter Storm Thor, you KNOW what you can do with your “meow-meow”…!

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Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

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