“I have heard my animals’ voices again…”: DEADWEIGHT

Joan of Archetype2This is a great example of the workplace entitlement-syndrome and super-annoying, quasi-martyrdom that is experienced when working with pseudo grandmas who think they have better things to do at work than actual work.

Edita has an important job in Accounting which requires attentiveness, accuracy, timeliness, courteous manner AND attendance. That being said, a typical day for Edita will include several trips to various locations on campus where animals are housed and trained.  *That is besides her regular, lunchtime power-walks and weekly, hour-long phone calls to Latveria from the Purchasing office.

My theory is Edita thinks that she is entitled to work here and that we are privileged to have her.  Why? Because she is an avid lover of all animals and has literally created a bird sanctuary outside her window in our office.  She can regularly be seen hanging out the window with a broom-handle as she attempts to scare the fattest squirrels I’ve EVER seen in any suburban area away from the bird-feeder.

Several complaints had been voiced about her animal visitations last year; one of which came in writing from the Wildlife Director after hearing a disturbing report from one of his staff. Apparently, not only does Edita love animals but she prioritizes them above such things like other humans, safety, rules and, of course, WORK.

On her afternoon walk one day (one of two 15-min breaks), she came upon an animal handler in a small riding ring with a new pony.  Edita was literally hanging over the fence trying to get her animal-lover hands on that pony; she just couldn’t help herself.  The handler stopped walking the animal around the ring and directly asked Edita NOT to pet him as he was a new resident and was still being assessed until they got a handle on his personality. She told Edita, “He could bite me or you if you make him nervous so please stay back while we are in here”.

Now, Edita understands English very well and is not mentally impaired (this fact is now currently up for debate) so nobody gets WHY in the seven-hells she just HAD to pet that animal; but she did.

Four emails, 3 phone calls and 2 in-person meetings later and a new precedent is set – a member of our staff is now banned from visiting the Wildlife Center.  This has never happened before. It also has solidified our office as being the most idiotically tolerant of moronic behavior.

Way to go, Edita!


About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

6 responses to ““I have heard my animals’ voices again…”: DEADWEIGHT

  • amy cygan

    Oh my word … I can’t believe the ward they put you in, LOL! Makes me wonder what cuckoos are flying over YOUR nest to deserve such punishment, or is it that you are the only sane one (ha ha, cause writers are ALWAYS sane), like Nicholson (which doesn’t seem right either to put him in the category of sane, but will do for the movie’s sake).
    Anyway, that probably all didn’t make sense — but DAMN IT! — I’m trying to practice the art of those long sentences since you make them look so easy to master!
    Have a great Valentine’s night. My daughters are getting ready for their date-dance nights, so I’m going to need to leave shortly to cart their frills and curls around. Just wish it ws a warmer night. Oh well, at least the heat wave is coming next week. I can wait.
    Ciao. Ciao.


  • LVital7019

    Thanks! 🙂 I can’t even say the word “cuckoo” within earshot of that one lest she launch into one of her ornithology tirades; like “This one time, at Bird-Camp, I saw a cuckoo once and it was orangey-red and this pretty bluish-green color like, what’s that bright blue stone? But not blue-blue like the stone; more greenish color like a leaf or something else… And its EYES! They were looking right AT me…!” That would be the point where I trail off and go brain dead. Sanity is relative to which side you’re on, I guess – the looking IN side or the looking OUT side.


  • Aussa Lorens

    Ahh haha! Forgive me for laughing but that’s pretty damn hilarious.


  • LVital7019

    Kind of an honor that you think I’M funny, actually. 😀 I learned many moons ago that if you can’t laugh with them, laugh AT them. Keeps me sane… Wait, am I sane?


  • Sanctum Sanctimonious or Getting Away With Major BS at Work | WTF Elsewhere

    […] The committee was NOT very specific as to whether we pick ONE plan strategy per psychotic stressful episode or not but you do see where this can lead.  Just ask Edita. […]


  • Tony Single

    Good grief. Good one, Edita. This is the part where I roll my eyes in exasperation! 😛


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Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

The Winter Bites My Bones

The Collected Poems of Dennis McHale: 1981-2016

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