Did You Have That Beard When I Last Posted…? Well, Neither Did I…

What. The. FUCK is UP!??  To break down the happenings in the last several months into bite-sized, savory little pieces I present you with the following list:

WHO DAT!? May it NOT be the Guy Selling Beads on Decatur Street…

Copyright L. Vidal 2015

Before I transferred to my new job, hubby and I took a well-earned short vacation. We went to New Orleans for all of 3 glorious days on airline miles and a Groupon deal. We made a point of walking around for a minimum of 4-6 hours a day to see/eat/drink/do as much as possible. We walked so much, in fact, that I could have eaten pretty much anything I wanted, calorie-wise. Not to mention we pretty much got the hookup on free and discounted food from various coincidences, aka errors made in our favor.

IIIIIIIII Want “CANDY!”

**WARNING: This post contains gratuitous euphemisms which may or may not be poorly articulated, shamelessly and overtly obvious and ridiculously pun-intended-in-all-ways-imaginable.

*Air-quotes are implicitly expressed. *By continuing to scroll and read you agree that any injuries resulting from excessive eye-rolling are the sole fault of the reader.

This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while. Fear of over-sharing and potential hurt to those close to me were the reasons for holding back but I think I’ve found a way around that.

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Keep it Movin’…

So this is what happens when you, stupidly, break a promise to a friend… except at the time this was written we technically weren’t friends.  Either way, it was a shitty thing to do (and probably an awkward read for you guys). I promise to never do this kind of thing again.  Friends deserve better.

MOVING ON…

Banish – a pic-poem

Deed to Doghouse With a Catfood Pantry

Last week was one of definitive FUCKED-UPPEDNESS (work with me, people; I’m in a “state”).

First off, one of 2 internal jobs I applied for turned me down. 😦  I’m happy for the person who got it since she’s genuinely awesome.  But on a selfish note, it kinda sucks for me. Again. Rejection sucks; even if you’re realistic in your expectations…

“Straight Dope” or How to NOT Party Like a “Block Star”

Thanks to my good friends Mary and Jane over at Mendo-licious this is where you’ll find today’s post.  

We May Have lost a Director…

Lately M is saying stuff like, “I’m-o KILL that MOTHER%@#&*!”.

This year she’s been terribly vexed with single-handedly coordinating every aspect of a major conference sponsored by our agency.  People come from all over the world.  They need hotels; they want a shuttle to and from; they don’t speak English(!); some want on-campus apartments; some want foofoo hotels.  They need M to wipe their noses, make their copies, call them cabs and powder their asses.  All almost-300 of them…

She is bitchier than I normally am (which seems impossible) and may have already killed someone…

April 2015 PAD Challenge…

Just a quick side-note but does anyone plan on participating in the 2015 Poem-a-Day challenge?  Writer’s Digest’s Robert Lee Brewer hosts the challenge on his blog and it was super-fun and cool the one year I actually did this.

If I actually manage to stick to my guns (aka get off my lazy ass!) and participate every day, I will post my poem here on the blog and link to that day’s prompt/challenge.

What’s cool about Mr. Brewer’s challenge is that Words Dance Publishing is partnering with Poetic Asides Blog and will publish a volume of poetry from this year’s challenge.  Awesome, right?  You can see the cover design for this year here.

So why not join me and post some poems?  You might even inspire me to get off my ass and do something meaningful (and fun!) with my writing (and get over my fear of commitment) and we might even get published in a cool anthology!

Have a great weekend, everyone, and I hope you’re not twitching from the snark-free post. *eyeroll* (I know!)  😉

Can’t Write My Way Out of My Own House…

I was home sick yesterday with fever, chills and a really nasty 24-hr stomach-thing.  Fun stuff…  The dream that woke my sweat-soaked head around 11:00 a.m. was about being Matt Leblanc’s housekeeper and finding some really trippy accoutrements on a shelf or something…  Which, clearly I can’t articulate since fever seems to have melted away that memory.

Needless to say it’s been a rough week with my tummy-sickness capping off days of stress about whether or not the Mortgage Debt Relief Act of 2007 is just a “piece of paper”.

Allow Me to Explain My Hair…

No, really – ALLOW me…

Perhaps you are completely clueless to that fact that blurting out, “Wow! Did you stick your finger in an electric outlet!!??” makes it sort of impossible to take this ass-hattery as any kind of flattering.

Delicious…

@lolaveed they would argue that a blood orange is an oxymoron.

— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) January 22, 2015

In the interest of something fun and smile-inducing there’s this.  I may have actually squeed when I saw the Twitter notification in my email…  *sigh*

Not sure what it is about this super-famous, adorably dark & weirdly (that’s a good thing!) humorous New-Zealander but I double-dog dare you to watch HBO’s “Flight of the Conchords” and NOT laugh yourself sideways. 

They Seem to Forget About a Little Thing Called “Probability”

You might remember a little while ago being introduced to the bullshit I’ve been experiencing on LinkedIn.  Well, the “love” just keeps pouring into my InMail at the rate of no less than one per week; on average.  I’m such a popular girl…

Ink, Friends, Frenemies and the Dreaded Sheeple

Last weekend was a BLAST.  My friend M and I got matching tattoos at Big Joe and Sons in Mohegan Lake NY.  M is a tattoo-crazy lady and will get a few at one time; just like she did on Saturday.  I’m more the few-and-far-between type mainly because of financial issues.  Saturday was M’s idea of a birthday present for me since I’ve been wanting to get another tatt for a while now.

NO SPEAK ’til BROOKLYN!

Recently, a friend of mine from grammar school reconnected with me after an absence of no less than ten years.

What was one of the first things my friend J asked me after around twenty minutes of speaking over the phone?

“Yo, what the fuck happened to your Brooklyn accent, Bitch!?”

Ok, so maybe he didn’t say it exactly like that – if he called me a bitch he’d get laid out – but STILL.  I’m starting to feel like I’ve lived in the suburbs too long