You Might be a B* but GRRRL, Don’t Ever Change!

To be 100% honest, I really miss logging onto WordPress and just pouring my angsty little heart out about all the morons threatening to eat my soul alive. You remember them, right? – The ones who were tragically, hilariously and intrinsically linked to my ability to earn a paycheck each week? It was mentally exhausting yet it gave my extracurricular life meaning.

Sadly, or maybe not-so-sadly, my after-hours world these days consists mainly of coming home, binge-snacking, working out, relaxing and going to bed early like a good little time-card puncher. Tragic; I know…

Here is a short list of my mini love-affairs these days:

  1. A boss who actually remembers things
  2. Getting to say “Bye, Felicia” while the sun is still shining
  3. My daily dose of hot, hipster yeard (the multitude of teachers’ aides & assistants escorting kids to the medical center – perhaps another blog-post?)
  4. The fact that websites like Urban Beardsman even exist!
  5. “VIP” parking RIGHT OUTSIDE my office (suck THAT, Accounting Dept.!)
  6. Trader Joe’s sriracha potato chips (recent cause of binge-snacking)
  7. An adorable, smart, savvy RN in my department
More About #7

I have a little bit of a girl-crush at the moment. Don’t be pervy – my “crush” is based on admiration for a young lady who was apparently raised to have a healthy level of act-right, healthy ambition, responsibility and a problem-solving mentality. (Not like someone I live with who shows no sign of moving up in the world; much less out of our house to live his own life.)

Anyway, “Shaniqua” (a misnomer Knee is fond of ) just turned 23 over the weekend. She is a single mom and RN who is continuing her education. She has 2 jobs; one of which gives me the pleasure of seeing her perform like a pro with our kids. She is also kind and patient with parents on the phone and in person; despite the level their hysteria may or may not have already reached.

She is by no means any kind of lazy-ass, sit-around, selfie-queen. Which in no way means that she never takes selfies – she is quite the expert and I need to take lessons from her. Allow me to display my ineptitude:

The above (no, not the selfies!) are only a few of the many reasons why I almost died when she threatened to quit. She heard someone talking shit about her work ethic. Not sure what turned her around but it was a happy day when she confided in me how she spoke to the shit-talker in question, cleared the air and decided to stay on.

It was surprising to me that someone of that age and still prone to fits of stubborn, youthful pride was able to hash that shit out. A lesser semi-privileged adult would have just quit and let her daddy take care of her. ‘Cause she could have… It’s an extremely mature decision that, although you sure enough could let daddy pay all the bills and say F* this job!, you will hang in and handle your problems, or someone else’s, like a grownup. Bravo.

By no means is my sweet Shaniqua a perfect angel – she’s a bit of a bad-girl (dick-pics on her phone even would fall in love with!) who swears that my husband would hate her if she & I ever go out after work. She has her share of baby-daddy drama and told me she felt like a bitch for changing the locks on him. He was in the habit (operative word here is “was”) of doing nothing but sitting on the computer all night while their kid waited hungrily for dinner that SHE had to come home & cook for them after her 2-10PM shift. She also discovered his secret which made her want to pack it all up and move down south (another baby-mama).

She says he’s a different man since the lock-changing thing. She also said she has no qualms doing what she wants or has to do (dick-pic association intended). I insisted SHE SHOULD NEVER, EVER CHANGE.

Be that bitch you’re afraid of being! Take NO shit… you will respect yourself more in the morning on your walk-of-shame home. 😉

Though she is close to it she’s definitely not perfect. Who ever is? But I’d still be happy to rent her a room… or two. IF my son ever moves out!

(What!? We’d need the other room for her kid!) 😀

Your Long-Awaited Dose of WTF’s

Because I know you miss them as much as I do, here are a few brief, recent WTF moments:

  • Thanksgiving & Christmas in case you missed it
  • People in my new department who:
    • refuse take their used k-cups OUT of the Keurig
    • bring their comfy-chair, pillow and iPad to the overnight shift
    • drop psych filing on my desk instead of putting it in the alphabetical accordion folder
  • The “Ladies Who Lunch” – guys, I have to stop lunching with them or I’ll wind up roller-setting my hair, wearing bifocals and a hearing aid while carrying a moth-infested knitting bag
  • Nasty appointment-setters at the practice with whom we contract for most of the kids’ appointments
  • Hubby & I declared bankruptcy and, as a result of some necessary cutbacks, I now suffer withdrawal from 2 of my favorite things – the Travel Channel and Portlandia (NOOOooooooo!)
  • The depressing realization that, after almost 11 years in the same location, I am still unable to find “the spot” for this aromatic confection about which I am so fond of Tweeting:

Until next time… whenever that is 🙂

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About LVital7019

Just your normal, everyday 9-5er. An uninspiring position in an inspirational non-profit moves me to constant goof-offery; aimless, on-the-job procrastination; a crankiness that borders on psychosis; and attempting to craft something meaningful with words. Just another so-called-job inspiring someone to feats of insanity with a hint of creativity... (Insert demonic laugh HERE.) View all posts by LVital7019

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Tony Single

artist. wastrel. a quantum of potential.

The Greenwich Village Literary Review

A magazine by writers who love to write for readers who love to read.

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