Just a WTF*Up….

Sooo… I promised you more posts about love and stuff that’s shiny, flappy steeples folding bands.  If you haven’t already guessed, this is some kinda craziness…

“Straight Dope” or How to NOT Party Like a “Block Star”

Thanks to my good friends Mary and Jane over at Mendo-licious this is where you’ll find today’s post.  

A Thousand (EASY) Pieces (ca. ’96)

So it’s perfect. It’s all so perfect now. My hair – perfect. Not too much makeup. Body looks great. Took me long enough. Damn baby-weight.

I’m experimental these days. I like hanging out with him. Makes me feel good. Nothing feels good anymore. But he does. Yeah, he sure does…

The Weird One

Hey, I’ve missed you guys.  Winter SUCKS and I’ve been kind of neglectful here… hopefully, things will perk up shortly.

Just in case you’re a new reader, I’ve gone through enough horrible boyfriends and an ex-husband from hell to fill at least five Lifetime movies. I’ll wait while you read and recover…

Some of us might be tempted to look back and say, “UGH! I can’t believe I let so-and-so talk me into a threesome with his friend GEORGE!”, (for the record I did NOT, I repeat: DID NOT go through with that one) completely regretting the bad choices made in our pasts.  My take on regret is – had I never married husband #1, swallowed idiocy and horrid behavior for 7 whole years of my life, struggled with mooches and bad-boys and the occasional lunatic, I might never have met… “The Weird One”.

Things I (THANKFULLY) Missed by Not Being Able to Afford a Vacation This Summer

So summer is almost over & there was no vacation this year.  Well, we DID go to Daytona Beach last November but took a sacred oath after coming home (to the aftermath of some Farmer Ted-style shenanigans courtesy of my Cling-On son) to NEVER GO AWAY AGAIN until Cling-On moves out.  And leaves his keys BEHIND.

Imbecillusism of the Week: RUFKM!? Excuse-of-the-Week

“Because I didn’t have my computer to give me the CALENDAR POP-UP to remind me that it was time to come over and cover for you”

I bet you’re laughing already. I will admit to laughing, but not in the way that conveys the pleasant surprise of finding something hilarious

TBT: Collision on 86th Street

In honor of all the rain in the Northeast this week, here is a story from my days as a dispatcher at that black-car service in Brooklyn where wanna-be ghetto biatches reigned and all drinking was done ON-SHIFT while pressing the foot-pedal of our two-way radio.

Showers, Spies and Crusty Microwaves

So there’s this situation at work which I, as (my) luck and position would have it, have the good fortune of handling.

It seems for some time now that someone has been splashing around in the downstairs ladies bathroom. There have been several complaints from the ladies about getting butt-soaked and general watery mayhem.  Several disturbing times a day, water will be found all over the counter, the floor, the toilet seat, the mirror, the doorknob.

Um, WTF! Was our potty being used by a certain someone to enact a secret water-ritual every flipping day??

Calamity Pane

So for 3+ years my coworker, J,  and I have had this ongoing debate, aka WAR, about the front entrance to our building.  We have a glass door complete with prominent metal frame and handle, next to which is a floor-to-ceiling picture window.

Crimes and Misty-Nomers

During a brief spell in my youth, I wanted to change my name. I considered something like Leyla, which was popular and pretty. It wasn’t that I hated my name – it’s just that people ALWAYS got it wrong and it has been pissing me off my whole life.

“I have heard my animals’ voices again…”: DEADWEIGHT

This is a great example of the workplace entitlement-syndrome and super-annoying, quasi-martyrdom that is experienced when working with pseudo grandmas who think they have better things to do at work than actual work.

Sweetness I Was Only Joking…

So I am currently being familiarized with the madness and frustration that is Facebook.  Apparently, your Facebook friends can say whatever they like to you if you happen to show up in their News-feed; which of course almost everyone knows you will whenever you share or say anything.

Signs I’m About to Go Postal, Day 538

Based on an ACTUAL work order. Teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown, it cheered me significantly when the B&G Administrative Assistant called me and allowed me to hear her laughing to the point of almost falling off her chair after clicking on this work order.

800 Brazen Corners
Bldg 235, Could-be-ANYONES Office 
“Anna Sylum” has alerted me that the current, 5-alarm emergency of the day is that the ladies room light bulbs are ALL out. I attempted to enter this work order 2 other times, but she kept coming up to my office to update me on the number of bulbs currently out of service. First it was just one; then it was 3; now it’s all. I almost had a nosebleed…  Please, for the Love of Bob have someone bring some CE13T/4 (N) 13W 120 VAC bulbs over (these are what’s currently in the fixture) before dusk is upon us & we are all subjected to another whine-fest about the bulbs in the bathroom?? Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Also, per the A.E.D., please disregard her request to have Facilities re-hang the bird-feeder she brought from home (hung on the Founder’s tree by the Romanian intern).

Time Available For Repair(s): all day