WERK Werk WERK Werk WEERRRRKK!

Will this be:

• An open letter of apology to my boss?
• A modestly self-deprecating assessment of my id?
• A mea-culpa to the world at large that I’ve anonymously and not-so-anonymously verbally abused?

This is NONE of those things.

Welcome Back, Meaning! (aka The Parental Retreat)

DAFUQ was I thinking??

You know when you’re struggling with something at your new job and your boss comes at you in full-on, Anal Annie “test mode” and you silently and proudly accept said challenge and conquer it LIKE A BOSS!?

Well, that didn’t happen.

You Might be a B* but GRRRL, Don’t Ever Change!

To be 100% honest, I really miss logging onto WordPress and just pouring my angsty little heart out about all the morons threatening to eat my soul alive. You remember them, right? – The ones who were tragically, hilariously and intrinsically linked to my ability to earn a paycheck each week? It was mentally exhausting yet it gave my extracurricular life meaning.

Crap Queen

I think one of the nurses I work with could be a racist. She might definitely be one, I’m just loathe to come right out and say it because I’m kinda loving my job right now. I want an opportunity to learn more before assuming what a (maybe) 30-y-o jaded, burnt out nurse might mean by what I perceived as an insensitive, racist statement. And by “before assuming”, I mean knock that bitch out because she’s a dirty racist…

Soooo, Where Was I…?

More accurately, where AM I these days you might be wondering.

Since my last post I’ve switched over to my new digs over at the agency Medical Center. Working every day with at least 5 nurses, 3 nurse’s aides and a physician twice a week can be really exciting. Getting to interact with the children we serve is even more endorphin-inducing than I ever imagined. 

Well, Toss My Fruit Salad! …No, REALLY.

So it looks like I’m getting lazy with posting these days. Honestly, it’s not so much laziness as hella-FRICKIN’-BUSY! The past few weeks have seen me trying my best to wrap things up in the Accounting Office so as not to give any of THEM a chance to say, “Well, she left this… and she didn’t do THAT, so we had to blah blah blah blah… That bitch!” Nope – none of that.

There are tales to tell!

As of this past Friday I am officially done. Technically, the week of September 13th was my absolute LAST week doing anything angst or accounting-related. BUT – hubby and I took a much-needed and well-deserved vacation so my “last week” was basically one day. Friday, of all days. (*More on mini-vacay in the next post but here’s a brief preview thumbnail →)

IIIIIII’m MOVINOUT!!

Festive, isn’t it? And somewhat appropriate for basically this entire existence.

Last time we met here, I was at my wit’s end; struggling to maintain a smiling, jolly-admin’s façade without so much as a hairline crack in the glaze while trying to make a silk purse out of a Jar Jar Bitch’s ear while piercing that ear with a rusty paperclip.  Well, I am officially DONE.

Sharing is Preparing… or, Disrepairing?

I was supposed to go into a meeting twenty minutes ago that may or may not decide my fate.  Things are kinda tense here, in that whole “IDGAF so therefore I’m here but really not here“+”Meh”+”Lemme light this match & walk out” way.  I plan on giving you all a thorough elaboration in the near future.

What a Super-Honest “— Available” Ad Should Say

**ASSISTANT AVAILABLE**

NOTE RESUME BREAKDOWN DETAILS FIRST!!

*Click to open in a New Tab. See how smart & considerate I am?

 a)  DO NOT, I repeat – DO NOT even think about sticking me in another accounting/billing/banking/investments/anything-to-do-with-MATH-or-insurance office. Just NO.

Jar-Jar SWITCH!?

Feels like spring is finally on the approach…  the air is (deceptively?) warm(er) during the day, the sun is shining more, we just “Sprung forward” (damn you, Daylight Saving!! You ate my morning sunlight!!!) and the house finches who made a crusty mess out of my upstairs bathroom window last spring/summer have made a point of calling dibs on that same spot every single morning.  At the top of their teensy, vociferous, melody-making little bird-lungs…  at  6:30 in the morning…

Hell for Lazy Secretaries: Steam-Roller Grrrrrl

It was almost as cool as this one. Almost…

I am strapping on my rockin’ quad-skates; tightening the chin strap on the stoopid fresh, retro gold, glitter helmet that I *DID NOT* set back down on the table and abandon because of the exorbitant price tag at the sidewalk flea market on Houston Street.  I’m adjusting my black and gold fishnets and accounting for all my gear – including a wicked mouth-guard – and am NOW… READY… To JAM!

Fishnet-burns and hot-laps be damned, whip me past the offensive and fire me up to knock some bitches down.  I’ve got a WICKED hip-check… BOOM!!

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Yeah, I daydream.

So I’m Either 498% NUTS or…

So, out of boredom/frustration I took a Personality Disorder test on SimilarMinds.com. These are my results:

And My Criminal Record Remains SPOTLESS!

The proof that I’ve kinda, sorta had it with this place is that I’m now entering subversive text into my Administrative Assistant Procedure Manual.  

The Half-Week From HELL!

It is only the THIRD day of this week.  So far there have been a rainbow assortment of annoyances leading to an increasing level of infuriation.

– I’ve assisted degreed adults in the capacity of a Special Education teacher.  For stuff EVERYONE in the office workforce should already know like email and printing a flipping document.

Narcissism and the Titmouse

Today I sat at an empty desk in Accounts Receivable to stamp some HR forms with my currently-on-vacation boss’s signature.  It was MORE quiet and serene than I’ve ever known that area to be – and that area is also home to “Infamous AP and Edita the Bird-Lady”.

There was no muttering from our resident “Roseanne” who sits in the corner about how annoying and RUDE Edita is on the phone or how many PERSONAL CALLS she makes while rambling on endlessly in Latverian.  There was no running to the Accounting Manager’s office to tattle on anyone.  It was heavenly.

Today Edita said the most half-baked narcissistic thing I’ve ever heard…