Did You Have That Beard When I Last Posted…? Well, Neither Did I…

What. The. FUCK is UP!??  To break down the happenings in the last several months into bite-sized, savory little pieces I present you with the following list:

*BlanksGiving*

How are you all doing? Good. I’m not quite sure how I got myself stuck in this two-fer holiday nightmare but it’s giving me a case of the What-the-Fucks!…

For one – back in August at the end of my father-in-law’s 75th birthday celebration I gave myself a present and outright refused the favor of watching his pissy little shit… I mean, his sweet little shih tzu who is prone to excited fits of incontinence, over the Christmas weekend. I was all proud of my standing firm and tall in the Land of Nope – which is my sweet spot in times like this.

WHO DAT!? May it NOT be the Guy Selling Beads on Decatur Street…

Copyright L. Vidal 2015

Before I transferred to my new job, hubby and I took a well-earned short vacation. We went to New Orleans for all of 3 glorious days on airline miles and a Groupon deal. We made a point of walking around for a minimum of 4-6 hours a day to see/eat/drink/do as much as possible. We walked so much, in fact, that I could have eaten pretty much anything I wanted, calorie-wise. Not to mention we pretty much got the hookup on free and discounted food from various coincidences, aka errors made in our favor.

IIIIIIIII Want “CANDY!”

**WARNING: This post contains gratuitous euphemisms which may or may not be poorly articulated, shamelessly and overtly obvious and ridiculously pun-intended-in-all-ways-imaginable.

*Air-quotes are implicitly expressed. *By continuing to scroll and read you agree that any injuries resulting from excessive eye-rolling are the sole fault of the reader.

This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while. Fear of over-sharing and potential hurt to those close to me were the reasons for holding back but I think I’ve found a way around that.

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Keep it Movin’…

So this is what happens when you, stupidly, break a promise to a friend… except at the time this was written we technically weren’t friends.  Either way, it was a shitty thing to do (and probably an awkward read for you guys). I promise to never do this kind of thing again.  Friends deserve better.

MOVING ON…

Banish – a pic-poem

Deed to Doghouse With a Catfood Pantry

Last week was one of definitive FUCKED-UPPEDNESS (work with me, people; I’m in a “state”).

First off, one of 2 internal jobs I applied for turned me down. 😦  I’m happy for the person who got it since she’s genuinely awesome.  But on a selfish note, it kinda sucks for me. Again. Rejection sucks; even if you’re realistic in your expectations…

“Straight Dope” or How to NOT Party Like a “Block Star”

Thanks to my good friends Mary and Jane over at Mendo-licious this is where you’ll find today’s post.  

A Thousand (EASY) Pieces (ca. ’96)

So it’s perfect. It’s all so perfect now. My hair – perfect. Not too much makeup. Body looks great. Took me long enough. Damn baby-weight.

I’m experimental these days. I like hanging out with him. Makes me feel good. Nothing feels good anymore. But he does. Yeah, he sure does…

We May Have lost a Director…

Lately M is saying stuff like, “I’m-o KILL that MOTHER%@#&*!”.

This year she’s been terribly vexed with single-handedly coordinating every aspect of a major conference sponsored by our agency.  People come from all over the world.  They need hotels; they want a shuttle to and from; they don’t speak English(!); some want on-campus apartments; some want foofoo hotels.  They need M to wipe their noses, make their copies, call them cabs and powder their asses.  All almost-300 of them…

She is bitchier than I normally am (which seems impossible) and may have already killed someone…

April 2015 PAD Challenge…

Just a quick side-note but does anyone plan on participating in the 2015 Poem-a-Day challenge?  Writer’s Digest’s Robert Lee Brewer hosts the challenge on his blog and it was super-fun and cool the one year I actually did this.

If I actually manage to stick to my guns (aka get off my lazy ass!) and participate every day, I will post my poem here on the blog and link to that day’s prompt/challenge.

What’s cool about Mr. Brewer’s challenge is that Words Dance Publishing is partnering with Poetic Asides Blog and will publish a volume of poetry from this year’s challenge.  Awesome, right?  You can see the cover design for this year here.

So why not join me and post some poems?  You might even inspire me to get off my ass and do something meaningful (and fun!) with my writing (and get over my fear of commitment) and we might even get published in a cool anthology!

Have a great weekend, everyone, and I hope you’re not twitching from the snark-free post. *eyeroll* (I know!)  😉

Can’t Write My Way Out of My Own House…

I was home sick yesterday with fever, chills and a really nasty 24-hr stomach-thing.  Fun stuff…  The dream that woke my sweat-soaked head around 11:00 a.m. was about being Matt Leblanc’s housekeeper and finding some really trippy accoutrements on a shelf or something…  Which, clearly I can’t articulate since fever seems to have melted away that memory.

Needless to say it’s been a rough week with my tummy-sickness capping off days of stress about whether or not the Mortgage Debt Relief Act of 2007 is just a “piece of paper”.

Allow Me to Explain My Hair…

No, really – ALLOW me…

Perhaps you are completely clueless to that fact that blurting out, “Wow! Did you stick your finger in an electric outlet!!??” makes it sort of impossible to take this ass-hattery as any kind of flattering.

Delicious…

@lolaveed they would argue that a blood orange is an oxymoron.

— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) January 22, 2015

In the interest of something fun and smile-inducing there’s this.  I may have actually squeed when I saw the Twitter notification in my email…  *sigh*

Not sure what it is about this super-famous, adorably dark & weirdly (that’s a good thing!) humorous New-Zealander but I double-dog dare you to watch HBO’s “Flight of the Conchords” and NOT laugh yourself sideways. 

Why Can’t We Fix All the Broken Ones?

I have a bone to pick. This might not sound like something new, but this one is so entirely different –

Why can’t broken children be fixed?  I mean, they are children – the most malleable, resilient beings I’ve ever encountered. Why, if they have parents & family that love and care for their well-being (and maybe a regular shrink appointment), can’t they all just bounce back, get well, learn a lesson and move beyond the darkness that is drugs; that is demons; that is Hell for Children?