Just a WTF*Up….

Sooo… I promised you more posts about love and stuff that’s shiny, flappy steeples folding bands.  If you haven’t already guessed, this is some kinda craziness…

Mission…. Approaching Near-Impossible

Good morning, Candidate 50764 –

Less “Office Ninja” – more “Drunk Ronin”

So, where was I…? This is the way my friend Tony put it, “Shit got real, huh?”

Ask Freeta: Dementia Equals Demerits??

Dear Freeta,

This week I got my first ever negative performance review.  It’s basically a wet sack of inarticulate, poorly recollected meanderings dribbling from the mind of a senile, inattentive old coot.  Even though I’ve carefully drafted a perfect rebuttal, it hurts nonetheless.

Something is JUST NOT RIGHT…

Something strange is going on. I JUST KNOW IT…

My director came back this week from maternity leave. Despite the fact that she basically threw me under the bus for trying to escape, it’s nice to have another voice up here on the second floor; outside of all the crazy, attitudinous voices in my head. Yeah, I made up a word. Fuck it. It works.

During all the “private” meetings The Boss held with the accountants, the A/P and the A/R clerks during the month before Ms. Director’s return, he must’ve given them all the “Let’s not encourage her” lecture.

Sweet Brevity of BS – Brought to you by: *IDGAF*

The joyful effervescence of daily office-life.  Bubbling up to make things shiny and new – and by “shiny” and “new” I mean EVERLOVING FUCKING HELL, PEOPLE!! 😡

Dear Mr. Ombudsman…

…of the “Crockwen” Company:

You motherfuckers have prevented me from enjoying my evening bowl of Cinnamon Chex for the last fucking time. 

Winter Storm Thor, you KNOW what you can do with your “meow-meow”…!

So Tuesday night going home from work THIS happened:

Ok, so it’s not horrible; but STILL!

On the left side of the pic you see the bumper is cracked and my license plate is all crinkled up and paint scraped off from metal hitting metal.

Hell for Lazy Secretaries: Steam-Roller Grrrrrl

It was almost as cool as this one. Almost…

I am strapping on my rockin’ quad-skates; tightening the chin strap on the stoopid fresh, retro gold, glitter helmet that I *DID NOT* set back down on the table and abandon because of the exorbitant price tag at the sidewalk flea market on Houston Street.  I’m adjusting my black and gold fishnets and accounting for all my gear – including a wicked mouth-guard – and am NOW… READY… To JAM!

Fishnet-burns and hot-laps be damned, whip me past the offensive and fire me up to knock some bitches down.  I’ve got a WICKED hip-check… BOOM!!

---

Yeah, I daydream.

Hell for Lazy Secretaries: Sealing My Coffin

January 2015 was the month from hell.  My funny Director went out on maternity leave.  Right before she left, the A.E.D. called me in for a discussion about the mess on my desk (that cursed paper quicksand!), that I seem unhappy and, ironically, the fact that he was told I applied to other departments even though he assured me in the same breath to feel free to apply to other departments since maybe I’m unhappy.  He repeated the “So-and-so told me you applied to other departments” statement 3 times during our conversation.  It would appear this was an issue for him.

What. The. FAAAAAAAAK!

Apparently there is some “stray HTML” running around here causing my sidebar to go all kinds’a flip-mode. I’m suffering from a form of “sunken sidebar” and now my world feels more upside-downy than usual.

What’s next – My boss starts listening to hip-hop?  My ex-husband suddenly STOPS thinking I’m a sneaky c-word!?  Gah!

Per the advice in WordPress’s Help section I have looked at my last 3 recent posts to try to find this stray bit of fucking-up-my-cool.  Supposedly, I’m to look for something using the text editor that “jumps right out”, waves at me and, voila! just delete it!(?) Since I do not sprechen ze html-technobabblen all I see are evil, silent, little code-crickets chirping.  And apparently spitting in my eye & laughing behind my back…  Fuckers.

This is making me stabby and I need help.  If anyone here is an enlightened HTML-Guru with a good eye for what-the-FUCK-HAPPENED? please hit me up. Before my blog starts looking like this:

Hola. No hablo codigo html, pendejo!

**Update 1/9/2015:  I FOUND IT!  All is well in the den of snark and fucktardery. Huzzah!  😀

PS – THIS bitchfest happens to be my 100th post!

It just HAD to be THIS one, didn’t it.

So… WHERE’S the “Help”?

So hubby and I have been working with our mortgage lender to find a solution to modify our loan.  Right now we’re in a default situation. We can’t short-sell because where on God’s green Earth would we go with all the NO MONEY made on a short sale?? My Subaru is really not big enough to live in…

The Half-Week From HELL!

It is only the THIRD day of this week.  So far there have been a rainbow assortment of annoyances leading to an increasing level of infuriation.

– I’ve assisted degreed adults in the capacity of a Special Education teacher.  For stuff EVERYONE in the office workforce should already know like email and printing a flipping document.

Crows are Fargin ICE HOLES!

Here I am AGAIN – up at an ungodly hour making me want to rip out my own brain stem and beat you with it.  On any normal weekday at 4:00 A.M., my movie-dreams have faded into complete, blissful unconsciousness.  You flying nihilistic ink-stains are nuking our blissful unconsciousness; mutating us into rage-fueled kill-mongers, putting you on the top of our List of Reasons for Getting a Shotgun.

Weird Thoughts, Petty BS and Other Ass-Hattery

I have a bunch of questions.  There are WTF thoughts plaguing the remaining rational area(s) of my brain and I. NEED ANSWERS, PEOPLE!  In my humble opinion there is just way too much stupidity and a seemingly endless number of mind-boggling mysteries on a daily basis for me to stand.