Well, Toss My Fruit Salad! …No, REALLY.

So it looks like I’m getting lazy with posting these days. Honestly, it’s not so much laziness as hella-FRICKIN’-BUSY! The past few weeks have seen me trying my best to wrap things up in the Accounting Office so as not to give any of THEM a chance to say, “Well, she left this… and she didn’t do THAT, so we had to blah blah blah blah… That bitch!” Nope – none of that.

There are tales to tell!

As of this past Friday I am officially done. Technically, the week of September 13th was my absolute LAST week doing anything angst or accounting-related. BUT – hubby and I took a much-needed and well-deserved vacation so my “last week” was basically one day. Friday, of all days. (*More on mini-vacay in the next post but here’s a brief preview thumbnail →)

My last day was surprisingly unceremonious. No fanfare; no parting gifts; no offers to take me out for lunch or drinks or even ice cream. Not to say they didn’t do anything to fare me well and wish me good luck – Miss Director sent out an Audit Wrapup Meeting invite the week before last – for my next-to-last Friday, in fact. I rolled my eyes and spent all day wondering why I was required to attend this utterly stupid meeting (IMHO). What clued me in was the Accounting Manager’s reaction to, “Ugh. Why do I have to go to this?”

“Would you STOP asking stupid questions and JUST GIT!!”

– Whoa. Calm the F down, dude! I’m there with my steno pad and pen; chillax… … (chirping crickets go HERE) …Ohhh!

Yeah. They threw me a surprise Going Away “”party””. “Party” being very loosely applied here. It was basically a card which they all signed and for which they lost the goddamn envelope AND… A fruit salad. About which they bragged that they finally got my dietary needs right. Ok. Nevermind the fact that, had they walked to the opposite end of our local A & P, they could have gotten me some ice cream OR one of the nice gluten-free cakes from the Specialty Cakes refrigerated case. I guess all the times I’ve eaten Italian cheesecake sans the graham-cracker crust and all the times I’ve brought in ice cream went unnoticed… Whatever. It’s hard out there for a gluten-free diabetic who still manages to enjoy great food while simultaneously eating (mostly) healthy… Someone could have made me a flan, is all I’m sayin’…

Can you honestly say YOU’D have been thrilled about this??

Not to sound like a completely ungrateful bitch but that has to top my list of lamest attempts at a surprise ever. There weren’t even any strawberries in the fruit salad! And the mangoes weren’t even ripe! And, not even any pineapple!! But I smiled and ate the mango/cantaloupe/honeydew salad. Without the fat-free whipped cream they for some inexplicable reason purchased for said occasion. Ugh. Gimme the real-deal full-fat version any day. Jus’ sayin’…

So on my last Friday in the den of Jar Jar Bitch, I spent an unexpected 40 minutes getting myself oriented at my new work space. The Medical Center’s other Administrative Assistant purportedly called me over just to come get my keys to the building and supply closets.

Wish me luck, folks. Tomorrow is my first day in my new department. Although they are currently convinced that they have me under the spell of salmon dinners with curly fries from our cafeteria, a clean microwave and a brand-new dish washer (it’s like The Price is Right!), I am not so easily fooled. It became apparent that this area is in the process of implementing some new procedures which not all of the per diem nurses are clear on so I will most likely spend a lot of time managing the whole blind-leading-the-blind thing. Either way I’m happy for a change of scenery and new challenges which are human and health-related and not all about the Almighty Dollar and the anal-retentive and OCD preferences of JJB.

Take THAT, Accounting Office fruit-salad party!