Things have been unusually quiet on the Edita front. Like all such things, this was too good to be true and not meant to last… Kind of like money in my bank account. Or reality-show marriages…
OR – my good moods and feelings of usefulness & fulfillment at work.
By now we should all be familiar with Edita’s antics. We all know that her love of animals and incessant whining drive people absolutely MAD.
We also all know that I am prone to fits of anger and profanity when subjected to incessant, unnecessary stupidity; especially when it comes to issues of sanitation and health.
So last week she approaches me in her usual, quiet, polite, pseudo-meek way –
“I might have mentioned this before but I came in this morning and noticed there were tiny bites taken out of my banana that I left on the desk last night”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??
Really, people – I do try to maintain some composure with her. But, mice? Definitely no. Really, just NO.
Honestly though, my response wasn’t entirely harsh –
“Maybe, Edita, we shouldn’t be leaving food out for them because it’s kind of like inviting them to stick around and get FAT”
Edita Got MAD…
“Well, I DID say I ACCIDENTALLY left it out overnight and it’s not like they haven’t been in the kitchen cabinets since before that because those poops are not FRESH!”
OK, let’s reality-check for a spell, shall we? –
- No, you DIDN’T actually SAY you left it out “accidentally”. There’s a fucking fruit-bowl ON YOUR DESK, lady. They can freely help themselves to the buffet…
- Were you keeping them as pets in the kitchen until they crossed the line and started eating your fruit!?
- How long before you run to the Accounting Manager to tell on me for, what the hell did I do – sound annoyed because you’re leaving food out for the office-mice!??
So I forwarded an email to our Facilities Director suggesting that maybe, just maybe that bird-feeder of Edita’s should be a point of discussion in their next sanitation-reform brainstorming session since it creates a pest-control issue.
Maybe there’s a chance they’ll even take it down. I look forward to that memo… 😉
June 25th, 2014 at 13:11
“Accidental Banana” would be a great band name.
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June 25th, 2014 at 13:31
Hahaha! 🙂 I thought it sounded cool!
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June 27th, 2014 at 22:57
No one expects “The Black Death”
NO one (well, I guess they did in the Fourteenth Century….
LMAO.
Great post.
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June 27th, 2014 at 23:13
Hahahaha! What’s great is she tiptoes around all sweet, quiet & polite then when you hit her with her own crap, gets all Linda-Blair ‘n shit. 😉
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June 27th, 2014 at 23:18
“gets all Linda-Blair ‘n shit”
OH no! Another movie buff!
Laughing out fk’in loud!
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June 27th, 2014 at 23:29
Wow, don’t take this the wrong way but I think I BlogLove you!
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June 27th, 2014 at 23:32
As I did say, “I love your style”.
I am just an asshole from El Paso, but I can spot a kindred spirit a mile (country mile) away. Happy to have discovered your blog. Very entertaining. And refreshing.
Lovin’ it and…. don’t take THAT the wrong way!
Just kidding!
Cheers!
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December 5th, 2014 at 08:47
That infographic at the end was the perfect way to cap off this post. I’m still wiping the tears from my eyes! 😛
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December 5th, 2014 at 09:54
Hahaha! I just could NOT help myself there. So glad you like it as much as I do. I sometimes feel like printing it out in color and pasting it to her desk. 😉 I’m evil…
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December 5th, 2014 at 19:18
I have to wonder if the meaning of it would completely sail over her head though…
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